The first part of handling urges is Preparing to handle urges.
Ben Franklin said, “Failure to plan is planning to fail.”
Failures happen when you don’t plan for urges.
You first have to learn about urges, what they are, how they work, and then you have to learn about YOUR urges, and then you’re ready to take them on!
What are urges?
What is an urge? An urge is a feeling.
It is a pull inside you to do something.
It is both mental and physical.
Mentally, it’s the thoughts you’re thinking as well as the feelings you’re feeling.
Physically, it is the sensations of arousal that you experience when you’re triggered.
To make this simpler, let us go through an example.
Imagine you’re scrolling through social media and see a small thumbnail of a woman in a bikini. This is an example, so use your imagination, but not too much.
It might be 100×100 pixels, but your brain is AMAZING at spotting women in bikinis.
It’s your superpower. <icon>
You see this woman, and you immediately start thinking sexual thoughts.
You feel desire & lust, and then you become aroused.
This is the moment when Let’s-go-look-at-porn enters the chat, and you know what happens next.
In this example, all the thoughts and feelings that you experienced are the mental part, while arousal is the physical part.
What causes urges?
In the example above, you saw a thumbnail of a woman in a bikini, and it triggered you.
This is not uncommon for many men, addicted or otherwise.
I’m sure you believe that thumbnails and things like that always trigger you.
But there is one very small nuance that is often overlooked and is a critical factor when it comes to urges.
That is, it wasn’t the thumbnail itself that caused you to get triggered; it was your thoughts about the thumbnail that triggered you.
Let that sink in for a moment.
You saw the thumbnail, and then you had thoughts, and those thoughts are what led to you getting triggered, not the thumbnail.
This small difference is VERY important and makes a difference when getting free.
You can control what you think about thumbnails and the like…but you cannot control you seeing them (or not seeing them).
—————————
Let’s talk about blockers for a moment while that cooks in your brain.
Addicts typically fall into this trap: they view the world as full of sexual triggers and then waste significant resources trying to shield themselves from them.
I’m not saying don’t use them. But if you put the same energy into managing your thoughts and emotions when triggered, you wouldn’t need them anymore.
If I may shamelessly plug my services here, when you work with me, you’ll learn how to handle your thoughts and emotions in a healthier way. That way, you won’t feel the need to turn to porn anymore.
One of the greatest moments that you get to enjoy is getting your freedom back by uninstalling all your blockers. You won’t need them anymore because you’ll learn how to handle urges like you never have before, and they become no big deal.
—————————
Back to the news.
So thoughts create your feelings.
Thoughts create your urges.
This means you have power. This means you are NOT powerless.
This means that you can learn to respond to thumbnails (and things like that) instead of reacting to thumbnails (and things like that).
This means you have a say in what you do when you get triggered, and that’s the best news of the day!
I can’t control my thoughts; what about intrusive thoughts?
Ok, so this tripped me up when i first learned it too. We all have thoughts that show up and we can’t turn them off.
Also, when you’re an addict, you have intrusive sexual thoughts that show up all the time. Your brain is always scanning the world in search of something to sexualize.
It’s true, you can’t turn thoughts off, and you can’t decide not to think things.
There are two answers to that: first, what you do next after having the triggering thoughts is what matters the most. You can see that thumbnail and have sexual thoughts. But once you recognize this, you can choose to think anything you want.
You can choose thoughts that will lead you away from porn vs. letting your thoughts trigger your next relapse. .
This is the power that most people don’t even see!
The second answer is that just because you have a thought, it doesn’t make it true.
All the urges you have are complete bullshit because you really don’t want to look at porn.
That makes them based on false ideas or lies.
But since they do trigger you, that means you believe them to be true.
When you see that thumbnail and your brain says “She’s HOT! Keep looking!
You don’t question that; you just say, “Thank you, may I have another. “
You can’t stop thoughts from showing up, but how you respond to them and whether you believe them or not is all up to you.
Learning how to use your thoughts to set you free is what I teach in my program.
It may sound complicated, but it’s not; it’s simply common sense.
When you’re fighting urges and trying like hell not to relapse, it’s hard to see things like that at all.
Who has time to slow down and examine your thoughts using common sense when you’re fighting to stay alive?
That’s it for today.
Ok, this turned out longer than I thought, so let’s summarize, and I will continue this in the next one.
Summary.
The first step in overcoming urges for porn is learning about urges.
Urges are both mental (thoughts, fantasies, and lustful feelings) and physical (arousal).
The thoughts we think cause urges, not the things we think about.
IOW, the world is NOT filled with triggers.
You control your thoughts so by extension you have ALOT MORE POWER OVER URGES than you think.
You are NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER POWERLESS! (because you have the power to think!)
Does quitting porn feel impossible?
I know how that feels, and I’m here to help you break free once and for all.
If you’re ready to learn how to transform the way you think and feel so you can finally get free of porn, let’s talk.
Use the button below to book a call. Together, we’ll figure out if we’re a good fit and create a plan to get started.
Quitting porn isn’t easy—but it’s 10,000% easier when you know how.
That’s what I want to teach you.
This isn’t rocket science—it’s straightforward, practical work. But when you’re trying to figure it out on your own, it can feel impossible.
I’m here to help you break through the mess, cut through the confusion, and finally find freedom. I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to feel hopeless. But I promise you this: freedom is possible, and you’re not alone.
Let’s make this the moment you take back control. Click the button below and let’s get started.
