Wednesday was one of those days, I was stressed out and tired.
So I sat down to watch TV and a sex scene came on.
I thought “Wow she’s beautiful….”
and then it hit me… the old familar urge to watch porn.
Images of my favorite porn scene popped into my head and my brain said, “If I go watch that video I’ll feel better, I’ll feel less stressed and less tired.”
In the past I would have given in to that urge and I would feel better…for about 8 seconds.
And then I’d hate myself.
I would feel broken.
Disgusting
And deeply ashamed
I would wallow in self pity for hours, sometimes days unable to crawl out of the hole.
Wednesday was different.
I knew what was really happening.
I knew I was having an urge for porn because I was having a crappy day.
I didn’t panic or worry even, I just noticed it and was ok with it.
I’ve learned that urges for porn after a hard day are perfectly normal.
There’s nothing wrong with them because they’re just intrusive thoughts with desirable feelings attached to them.
Having them doesn’t mean I have to give in and watch it like it did in the past.
I know that when I have them, it’s time to take care of myself in a healthy way.
So here’s what I did instead…
I went snowshoeing with my dogs
I made a healthy home cooked meal
I took a hot bath to soak my tired body
and then I went to bed early.
All of that instead of relapsing and spending the rest of the night spiraling in shame.
This is available for you too.
In Private Mentorship you can
- See a sex scene and walk away without relapsing
- Stop living in shame for the things you’ve done
- You can be the husband you actually want to be
- Create real intimacy with your wife again
