I was answering questions on reddit and a guy mentioned he didn’t think his wife would ever trust him again.
So I asked, If she never trusts you again will you still choose to love her and show up for her?
Unfortunately he didn’t answer because he deleted the question which is very common on reddit.
But I asked this to see whether he was committed to his marriage or just seeking re-assurance.
Seeking re-assurance essentially means seeking approval to feel better about oneself.
In the context of porn addiction & betrayal it usually means if she trusts me then I’m forgiven.
But the question is really asking is your love conditional or not.
Conditional: “I’ll love you when you trust me again.” = “I need your reassurance to feel okay in this marriage.”
Unconditional: “I’ll love you even if trust never comes back.” reflects ownership and inner strength, not reliance on her to fix how you feel.
And just to be clear, this isn’t about giving the “right” answer, it’s a question for self-reflection.
Don’t beat yourself up whether your answer is Yes or No. This is more about being honest with yourself about what’s driving you.
If you don’t like your answer, you can use it as a guide for how you want to show up in your relationships moving forward.
Because it’s about who you choose to be in that relationship regardless of whether she ever trusts you again.
For example, if she doesn’t want to be physically intimate with you, instead of asking when you’ll have sex again, focus on non-sexual connection and let her set the time table for the rest.
When you do this, you’re choosing to be the kind of person who respects her needs vs someone who makes everything about getting back to “normal” as fast as possible.
In any case, trust may or may not return, but the choice to love her is always yours.
The question isn’t “Will she ever trust me again?” but “Who do I want to be, no matter what she does?”
