Seconds after a relapse when we’re hating porn and sometimes ourselves the most, we swear to ourselves that this was the last time and we’re never looking at it again.
That’s when our strength and determination is the strongest which may or may not be fueled by anger & disgust.
Sometime after that things start to change. It might be that same day or days later but eventually our determination fades and we start to get curious again.
When I was going through this I used to call it “the switch”. It was like on Monday I would relapse and I would HATE porn and everything else including myself.
A few days later, the switch would go off and I’d find things like porn “interesting” again.
When that happened, all the anger and determination to not look at porn was diminishing and my brain would start to reason with me as to why I should look at something.
In the beginning I was oblivious to it but over time I started to see the pattern. I’d notice when it became interesting again.
Sometimes, after I recognized it I would get scared because I knew it was going to happen. I knew it was just a matter of time, usually 24-48 hours, and I felt completely powerless. I didn’t think I could stop it.
Eventually I got help and learned that “the switch” was just a BS story my brain was telling me SO that I would give in and return to porn.
It took some time and a lot of relapses but I started to say ok, I feel triggered in that way and even though I think there’s this switch and it’s going to happen, it doesn’t mean it’s true.
When I had that “proof” that the switch was just a story, then I started to believe in myself and I started getting real traction.
Eventually the switch became more of a signal that I needed to look deeper in myself as to why I was starting to believe that I needed porn. I started to ask, what is going on that I think I need this?
Ultimately I’d see that I was either bored, stressed, anxious or tired. All the things that were the true triggers that led me down that path.
So seeing there was this BS story in my head created awareness and that awareness empowered me to think differently and take different actions.
That’s what helped me get free along with a ton of self-compassion, self-love and forgiveness.
My question to you is, what is your “switch” story that you’re believing when you’re being led to porn?
Are you aware of it? Can you see your patterns?
If you’re stuck in that ‘switch’ cycle and don’t know how to break it, that’s exactly what I help guys with.
Click here to book a free session with me and let’s make a plan to get you moving forward.
