#1 Indirect Triggers (things that will lead you to porn)

Indirect triggers are thing that will lead you to porn. These are typically worry, stress, anxiety, anger, fear, etc.

All the feelings that you do not want to feel will have you wanting to look at porn so that you do not need to feel them.

You know how when you should be working or doing something you want to do but instead, you’re scrolling through TikTok?

That’s it, that’s you avoiding the “pain” of the thing you don’t want to do.

That is built-in to your programming, just like how you know not to put your hand in the fire.

When you’ve been watching porn for a while, you will find yourself wanting to look at porn when you are feeling stressed or bored or any other feeling that you do not like.

This is that same built-in programming at work.

You’re notice that you’re thinking about your fav porn star or scene.

You’ll remember that hot woman you saw on TikTok.

That is your brain trying to get you away from being bored & stressed to porn where you will feel better.

The next time you feel stress or bored, try to notice how soon you’re wanting to look at porn.

Those things are connected.

Action: To watch less porn, learn how to manage your stress, boredom and other feelings you don’t want to feel

Suggestions: Exercise, meditation, box / deep breathing, getting good sleep and eating healthy are all great ways to reduce stress.

Keeping busy by taking up hobbies and socializing with friends and family will help with boredom.

My Advice: Get a coach and learn how to fix the problem at its source. Stress and anxiety are often treated with medications which can be troublesome, time consuming and expensive.

Coaching is extremely effective at helping you overcome the negative feelings yourself so that you’re not turning to porn or anything else that do not really want to do.

A huge bonus of this is your CONFIDENCE will grow exponentially.

Imagine how strong you’ll be once you’ve learned how to handle your stress and anxiety yourself without using medication OR turning to porn.

You’ll feel better because you’re not stressed out and anxious all the time AND you’ve kicked that 10-year-old porn habit once and for all.

You’ll be UNSTOPPABLE!

#2 Direct Triggers

Direct triggers are porn & sexual material. Basically, anything that turns you on i.e triggers you.

• It’s the woman you saw on TikTok that was dancing provocatively in a bikini
• The sex scene in that movie you watched last night that made you feel uncomfortable because your wife was sitting right there next to you.
• That woman you saw walking down the street that had you turning your heard to get better look.

These are the hardest part of quitting porn because once you’re triggered you desperately want to watch it.

It’s not a, oh I feel like watching porn, it’s I’m going to DIE if I don’t watch porn right now!

Everyone gets tripped up on urges because they’re so hard to handle.

Action: Do all that you can to avoid these types of triggers, use blocking software, get rid of triggering social media apps, avoid movies and scenes with sex scenes.

The goal is to be able to be triggered like this and NOT look at porn. That probably seems impossible for you right now and that’s ok. It’s not a skill you’re born with, it’s not something you likely know how to do at first.

Learning how to do this takes practice and a whole lot of patience. You’re going to slip up and make mistakes. You’re going to want to quit about 10,000 times before you figure this out.

At its core, you are learning how to RESPOND to triggers & urges instead of REACTING to them which is what you’re doing now.

My Advice: Get a coach and learn how to manage these direct triggers effectively. This is where coaching is absolutely key.  Working with someone who understands everything about this addiction AND has been through it before & knows what it is really like, is essential.
Your coach will teach you how to stop powerful urges so that you’re not slipping all the time. Your coach will give you tools that will deflate powerful urges.

Saying No to porn is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do in your lifetime and having someone walk you through it, IS A GAME CHANGER!

#3 Guilt & Shame

Guilt and shame are a huge part of quitting porn.

These feelings are yet another reason why quitting is SO hard.

You don’t want anyone to find out about this deep dark secret that you have.

You feel embarrassed and ashamed that you’re even looking at this stuff to begin with, never mind that you’re not strong enough to stop watching it.

It goes against ALL your religious and spiritual beliefs.

You’re cheating on your wife

You’re failing as a man

These are all the things you’re thinking about, and you do not want ANYONE to find out about ANY of this.

Having someone find out about this deep dark secret IS THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN.

You risk losing your wife and family. 

Friends may turn their backs on you, leaving you alone and ostracized. 

There’s a very good chance you’ll screw up and lose your job  which will force you tell the world about your dark secret adding yet another layer of deep shame.

What will everybody think when they find out?

IT IS CRIPPLING!

Believe me when I tell you, I understand this so well.

I was DEATHLY afraid of what would happen if anyone found out.

I kept this secret for YEARS, definately more than a decade, because the embarrassment was just too much.

People talk about being ashamed about their drinking or being overweight or doing drugs or any number of things.

I’ve done ALL of those things and NONE of them feel as bad as watching porn.

I could admit that I was hooked on cocaine for a while, and that was embarrassing—I didn’t want anyone to know. But if someone found out that I was hooked on porn and couldn’t stop watching it? That felt like death to me.

I did everything I possibly could to make that was not going to happen under any circumstances.

I felt a massive amount of shame when I was stuck in this addiction.

Guilt and shame will stop you dead in our track from getting help.

On top of that, one of the worst things is that when you are feeling all of this guilt and all of this shame, you will want to look at porn to feel better.

This is where the insanity of this comes in.

Here you are using this thing that you are deeply ashamed and embarrassed about and yet, you feel like crap, you feel like a complete POS BuT all you want to do when you feel like this, is go watch porn.

IT IS SO INSANE!

We want to do the very thing that is causing all of this shame.

How are you supposed to figure that out?

That’s when you know you have a real problem

Action: Learn how let handle the guilt & shame so that you’re not turning to porn and making the situation even worse.

Suggestions: Learn how to have compassion for yourself and to forgive yourself.
You want to try to get to a point where you regret what you did BUT you can see clearly that it is just something that you did and you’re not a bad person for doing those things.

Often times you’re beating yourself up for what you’ve done. You think you are the biggest POS in the world for doing those things.

The reality is that you’re not a bad person for what you done.

You did something that you regret and wish you didn’t do but it does not define you.

It does not make you a bad person.

Talk to a trusted friend of mentor for advice. This is one that I suggest you seek outside help for because it is difficult to unwind this by yourself.

My Advice: Get coach to help you unwind all the guilt and shame. This is another area where coaching is absolutely key. Your coach will help you figure out how to handle guilt and shame. He’ll help you through it so that you’re not turning back to porn.

Think of it like this, most times when people have a slip, they’ll say, Oh well, todays lost, I might as well watch more.

From there, a slip turns into a relapse. 1 hour of watching porn turns into a whole weekend of watching porn.
This is where coaching is so good. With coaching, 5 or 10 minutes of watching porn is not the crushing thing it is now. You learn to deal it in a good way so that you’re back on track again very quickly.

No more week or weeks long relapses. It’s over, it’s done and you’ve learned something that will help you not do this the next time.

This is what we do in coaching and IT IS AMAZING!

If you want to learn more, I invite you to come meet with me over zoom. We can talk about how porn has effected you and your family and then we can see how coaching can help you get free of it.

Click on the I Want To Quit Porn button below to set up an appointment.

This is absolutely Free other than your time.

I don’t do high pressure sales tactics because I don’t think it’s fair to pressure to someone who is already going through alot in their life. 

I believe everyone CAN quit porn but not everyone is READY to quit porn.

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear”
— Said Someone

If you think you’re READY or just wondering if you’re ready, come talk to me and we’ll find out together.

Lastly, for more tips, check out my My Top 3 Tips for Quitting Porn! available  here