Back when I used to attend 12-step meetings the wisemen talked about the 3 legged stool of recovery. They said, to overcome porn addiction you need therapy, meetings and spirituality.
Now I didn’t quit porn while I attended those meetings so I’m not going to say everyone should be going to meetings because ultimately it wasn’t my thing. Plus I know they’re not for everyone.
But I’ll never discount the help that I did get when I went. Not to mention how amazing the community is because the people in those meetings are what makes those programs work.
But having learned what I learned I would say this is what I believe will help you get free the most.
You need some type of therapy or coaching
You need to understand what is going on in your mind that’s leading you to porn.
I put this under the category of knowledge & education and it’s important because you cannot overcome something you do not understand. You don’t need to obtain a PhD in psychology or physiology, but you do need to understand why you do what you do beyond just thinking ‘porn makes me horny.’
You need someone to talk to or a group of people who will listen to you.
It’s really important to be heard and validated. I can’t state that enough, I used to think I didn’t but believe you me, it is very important.
You know that saying you can’t solve a problem with the same thinking that got you into it?
Both the education & talking to people really help with this. You can’t see what’s holding you back because you’re “in it”. You need an outside perspective.
Spirituality or Values
If you’re a religious person, that’s great, lean into that. It doesn’t have to be an organized religion either. Even if you just think there’s something greater than you that you believe in and it brings you comfort & guidance, that’s enough.
If you’re not religious or spiritual then focus on your values. Ask yourself, what kind of person do you want to be (in regards to porn) and what values does that person have?
If you’re not that person and never have been, that’s ok, you can become that person. You can develop those values even if you never have before.
Regarding Guilt & Shame
In regards to getting help and finding someone to talk to as it relates to guilt & shame. I get it, I really do. I spent decades hiding this from the world because of guilt and shame. I was deathly afraid someone would find out. It took me forever to finally admit to myself and someone else that I had a problem.
There is so much help available nowadays. I look at it like, why wouldn’t you get help?
This is probably the hardest thing you’ll ever do in your life so why would you try to do this on your own?
You wouldn’t try to run a marathon without learning how and getting help so why would you try and do this alone?
Becoming a person who doesn’t need porn in their lives is not a sprint, it’s a journey. It’s not 90 days and life is perfect, it’s becoming the person who doesn’t need it anymore.
